My family has angrily accused me of being a workaholic.  Maybe I do go overboard.  I have little time for anything else, but I have a strong work ethic.  How do I explain that this just goes with the territory?

Deb's Answer:  

Work ethic and workaholic are not synonymous. 

A strong work ethic, which demonstrates commitment and flexibility, is expected and desirable.  Workaholism, characterized by excess and obsession, overtakes a person’s life and negatively affects functioning in other areas.  It sounds like your family is sending a message that you are operating in the extreme mode and are risking burnout, if not for you, for them.

Here’s a checklist of workaholic warning signals to see if the description fits:

You are preoccupied with work.  Work becomes the topic of conversation in any setting, including social events and family gatherings.  When you aren’t working on work at home, you’re thinking about it or talking about it.

You maintain a constant link to your work through technology.  Other than the times when airlines forbid the connection, you’re never without access to your wireless device to check work communication.  Rather than using technology to simplify and improve your life, you allow uninterrupted access to your body, mind and spirit.

You watch your vacation slip away.  Year after year, you lose or carry over weeks of earned but unused vacation.  When you do manage to escape for an extended period, you use much of your time to catch up on or check up on work.  If you’re a manager, your behavior sets an example that places undo pressure on your workers.

You put your health at risk.  Your chaotic lifestyle pushes health maintenance to the background, with exercise and nutrition taking a back seat to constant work demands.  You probably don’t sleep well either, tossing and turning as you continue problem solving long after you’ve gone to bed.

You are missing the rest of your life.  With work hours consuming so much of your time, you miss out on the big events.  Equally troublesome, you’re not around for the ebb and flow of the small happenings that offer time for reflection and bring meaning to relationships.  Your multifaceted personality becomes one-dimensional, defined exclusively through your work.

If you find yourself more closely represented in the checklist than you’d like, weigh the tradeoffs.  Beyond the rewards you might feel from superhuman accomplishment, ask yourself the tough questions about underlying issues and sacrifices. 

What might you be avoiding with your busyness?  What is the negative impact on others in your life?  What are you trying to prove and to whom?  What are you missing out on?  Does change require a personal, organizational or combined response?

Try broadening your perspective in making decisions about your time.  Take into account your community, your family, your personal growth, your desired legacy.  Give the other parts of your unique personality the opportunity to show themselves and flourish. 

To create this opportunity, start by changing just one habit to free up time and energy.  If you’re an e-mail junkie, cut back to checking just twice a day or put a technofreeze on for one day each week.  If vacation buildup is your downfall, try scheduling a long weekend every other month and have a plan in place for coverage while you’re away.

To maintain these or other small changes, establish boundaries and make conscious decisions about how you sustain your energy.

Assign the same value and urgency to personal priorities as you do to your work.  Don’t promise away time without first weighing the corresponding effect on your personal needs and family commitments.