More and more, networking seems to be an expectation. There are so many events every month and I think I probably should get to them more, even though I’m shy.  I want to be smart about it because networking could become busywork and a waste of time.  What I would like to know is: how will I know if I’m “on,” and what is it like to be a good networker? 

Deb's Answer: 

When you are building the relationships and the reputation you want, you’ll know that you’re “on” as a networker. 

In addition to official networking events, be aware that networking takes many forms, occurring all the time, often informally and quite naturally.  You don’t have to wait for a scheduled event with a roomful of strangers to network. A passing conversation, an e-mail update, a gathering of friends—all count toward networking.  Such everyday encounters provide the opportunity to establish and maintain quality relationships.     

What it feels like to be a good networker in the type of scheduled event you mention in your question goes something like this…
 Imagine that you’re heading in to that room of strangers with your stomach full of butterflies.  To be on, you first remember that you have a plan for participating in just such an event. 

You put your plan into play. You’ve replaced the badgering banter in your mind with encouraging statements to yourself. You pause at the door, do a quick survey of the room, take a deep breath and exhale slowly.  With calm anticipation and a relaxed smile, you walk through the door. 

Once in, you notice a colleague you had contacted ahead of time to be assured of a familiar face in the crowd. This gives a boost to your confidence, and, instead of going over to her immediately, you decide to introduce yourself to a small group of three friendly-looking people.  You’re pleasantly surprised that the two-sentence introduction that you refined at home is all you need to break the ice.  Given all the self assessment you’ve been doing lately, you’ve settled on a few brief anecdotes you might share at some point. With this group, however, you choose to mainly be curious and listen.

As time passes, you realize that people don’t seem to have expectations of you; they’re here for their own reasons. You manage your expectations, content to talk with a few people and not force yourself around the room.  By the time you leave, you’ve discovered something new, raised your own profile, offered an insight or two, made one lasting connection, and gained a variety of perspectives.

Throughout the event you maintained your presence, stayed “on,” by thinking of yourself as a learner rather than a networker. As a learner, you had nothing to prove to anyone, and you found it much easier to participate in conversation and enjoy the community of people.